selfpreservationist | [imeeji] IC inbox

[The cocoa creation is being attended to by a Feint, whom they pass in the kitchen on the way to his room. He probably noticed it last time he was here, but there's a staircase leading to a mezzanine with all sorts of comfy shit. The Softe Balcony.

Nero plops onto a beanbag.]

You been thinkin' over this for a while?

[raven leans against the wall, arms crossed, trying to stay casual but he seems a little... nervous?]

Since I was away on the other show. It... I was alone for so long, I had a lot of time to... contemplate things.

[Since Raven couldn't relax, Nero sits up a bit straighter despite his bean-filled seat, paying attention.]

...Right. I guess it must've been a pretty uncomfortable taste of-- being separated from everyone.

Yes. It was. I... hated it.

I have... always considered myself something of a loner, an introvert... but being that isolated felt like... I was dying, again, just in a different way.

Mm. Having alone time really isn't the same at all as just... being alone.

[nods]

I... came to the conclusion that... I don't want to live without the people I cherish most near me. Not anymore. Not... ever again.

[takes a deep breath and lets it out]

Nero, I want to go home with you, when this is all over.

Raven...

[he's at once relieved and glad and pained, and his head ducks for a moment with a helpless smile before confessing,]

Honestly, I-- wanted you t'come home with me. But I didn't want that to sway your decision, like I was pressuring you to do something you didn't want... When I think about how much I'd miss you--

[His expression flickers with worry]

Have you talked about it with anyone else yet?

No, not really. I think Glory might have an inkling... and I need to... discuss it properly with Dva.

I thought it was the only choice I had, given the state of my body. I knew... I've known for a while now, that one of these days, I'm going to recall a memory of my death--or my absorption into Vergil, which is a kind of death, anyway. The idea of my living on as myself back home... didn't seem possible. Especially if I was in danger of dying permanently here, as I... feared I would be.

But now... I'm not... afraid of that happening, anymore. Not as afraid, anyway. Perhaps my body will eventually crumble into ash again, but... foolishly, I cannot help but hope for something better.

Yeah, that... was one of the reasons why I didn't wanna say. If I'd been asking you to come home, to your death... I couldn't forgive myself. It'd be better to let you go, knowing you'd live, but--

Brea said, it was possible maybe. That Xander could figure a way t'keep your soul intact - since, he's the specialist on souls. And they care about Dad, I trust that much. It's hope.

[He swallows.]

...D.Va's not gonna take it well, though.

... I... don't really know how to bring it up with her. We are already... not discussing something, that we probably should, but I am... too much of a coward to bring it up. I know it will just upset and depress her.

[wuh-oh]

Should I... ask what that is?

She asked me... to marry her.

I said no.

Ah.

That's... a biggie.

[lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand over his face, the tattoos on his hands flexing restlessly]

We haven't really... spoken about it since. At the time, it was... I was still falling apart. I was counting the days until my body collapsed entirely. So the idea was... ludicrous. Completely unrealistic. And... even if it weren't, I didn't see the point.

It's not that I'm rethinking my stance on it, exactly, but... I know it was something that hurt her, and I don't know how to address that.

[stares, a little mesmerized by tattoos]

...I'm sure it's hard to separate the feeling that marriage was something you didn't want, instead of-- not wanting her. 'It's not you it's me' kinda sucks at actually making anyone feel better.

... yes. And... telling her I no longer want to spend eternity in hell with her is... not going to make that any better.

[Also drags a hand down his face,]

It's also gonna seem like you're choosing Morning Glory over her. And they don't seem to be fans of each other.

Right.

... I really don't know what to do to... make things better. But I want... to be with you. To be with my family, when everything is said and done. And I don't want to abandon either of them. Is that an unreasonable desire?

[A big sigh - this was probably a long shot, but]

I don't supposed there's any chance that D.Va would wanna come home with us too, is there?

... I don't know. I have a feeling she's... set on staying here, as she's dead back in her world, and there's nothing there for her. Did you see that dream she had, where she had taken over the production?

Yeah, but it was so... miserable for her.

I was kinda hoping that seeing a glimpse into what it'd be like would turn her off from that being her long-term plan.

As would I, but I don't know for certain. I want... a better life for her. And I want a better life for me.

...Then maybe the right first step would be talking her out of that plan. Telling her exactly that - that she deserves a happy rest-of-her-life, not being chained to a throne once her revenge is done.

... I suppose it's as good a place to start as any.

...

I should've figured it out sooner. Choosing to stay in Hell to become a true demon... Vergil already made that mistake once, and look how it turned out for you both.

It's better-- not repeating his mistakes. Living your life knowing what's most important.

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