I knew Hana was going to be someone special to me not long after we met. It was not the eccentricity, the bubbly personality, or even the gentle way she coaxed me out of my shell. It was the pain I saw beneath her smile. I recognized it as soon as I saw it: someone with a broken heart, just like mine. I think it only natural that I would gravitate towards that, towards someone who had suffered the kind of pain I’ve always held within me. But neither of us know how to heal our own wounds, and so I think we have both unintentionally caused the other even more pain. For that, I would beg her forgiveness. We both argue that the other one is the sun to our moon, but if she thinks of me as her sun, then I confess I am honored. I just hope I can live up to it, and help her shine the way she’s meant to. And despite our ups and downs, no one makes me laugh quite like she does. No one shatters my glumness like her. I come back to the question she asked me again and again… would I marry her, if I could? Maybe, if we can both find a way to heal. Once, she was my wife in all but name; the queen alongside whom I would reign in the Underworld. But that was a fantasy used as a tourniquet--something to stop the flow of pain coursing through both of us. Now, she doesn’t have to resign herself to ruling Hell, and I don’t have to resign myself to dying. It was uncomfortable to realize that I was using my own resignation as a crutch, and how it soured my feelings towards her. She deserves better than that. I deserve better than that. I don’t want us to rule over the Underworld anymore; I want us to rule as humans, side by side, in a human world that we can thrive and flourish in. She may not be my wife, but she will always be my queen.
Re: DOOR THREE - THE BEDROOM